Donuts At The Gym

Skidrow - EWWW!

2009-04-07T22:14:00.007+07:00

My dear and sadly few followers, this is a quick blurb that I hope will combat the niescience of hygiene. Men and women, gay and straight, no matter the creed, perverse predilections or taboo ongoings I believe we can eliminate skidrow. WTF is skidrow?! READ ON, READ ON

Skidrow is what I recognized when I (though I am ashamed to admit it) was at the laundromat - I had this shirt that I really wanted to wear but it had a little natural fragrance and I really wanted to wear it, so I broke the cardinal rule of Divo Hood and roughed it in the laundromat - so as I am reading a periodical, protein shake in hand I glance to my left and notice a character pulling whites out of the dryer, then I saw brown. Gasp - skidrow! I thought that had gone out with the polio vaccine and the invention of wipes.

Women or strict bottoms, you may be saying -'HAAHAAHA, my man doen't have that - OOH - BUT THERE WERE THOSE FEW TIMES". Allow me to quell your fear -> this doesn't mean your mans sphincter has been willingly tampered with - it means your nasty for not telling him to wipe his ass.

I should hold a rally protesting this.

Sissification of America

2008-11-14T21:24:00.006+07:00

Like the gentrification of a block in dishabille, American men are sissifying at alarming rates.

Whether it is being done in an attempt to corral a socially adequate mate - I am not certain; but it is sissification. So what is the distinction between masculine, metrosexual and sissy? read on READ ON

Masculine is not a baritone voice and some innate desire to poke every chia-pet hole. Masculine is forcefulness in marked degree. Every homosapien with testes has the potential to be masculine but not all demonstrate breeding, poise and de rigueur. Confidence in every action, steadfastness and the acceptance of defeat as a learning opportunity is both gentlemanly and masculine. As a visual contrast John Fitzgerald Kennedy and - hmmm.... any hoodlum ever present next to the corner store - the distinction is clear.

Metrosexual. A conundrum within them self - this is a 21st Century term generally applied to heterosexual men with a strong concern for aesthetics. To help you correctly identify, typecast, visualize this confused person I will use vivid language and visible people. This is the point where all whom are weak of character and easily offended should shove off. So now, have you ever seen that dude on your block pushing a stroller with no girl on his arm and he looks a little too well put together and instead of thinking he's the daddy you go - 'oh - he's probably the uncle'? BOOM!! Metro (borderline homo) sexual. Example 2: Every dude who talks about how amazing Beyonce is as a performer before they talk about her booty. BOOM!! (Flaming) Metrosexual. David Beckham - a high disposable income, in the public eye, wears makeup, gorgeous duds (notice the use of the homo indicative adjective ending in 'ous'), manicures, facials, preening like any of the contestants on Ru Paul's Drag Race - BOOM!!! Motherfucking' Metrsexual.

SISSY - "OOH chile - he's going there." So the other day I'm outside walking the pooch (Stuyvesant - the unofficial mascot) and as I do with all members of my community I say "hi - how are you?" So - Stuy and I are gingerly making our way down the less than pristine block - when in the distance we notice ... (DRAMATIC PAUSE) the sissy. My dog tilted his head in a quandry, I did the same - the sissy seemed to have hip problems. Hips dislocating with each step, sunglasses at night, hand bent at the elbow - limp wrist clutching a clutch. So this person gets closer and I say "hi - how are you?" The googamooga had the gaul, hootspa, gumption to give me a repugnant look. I was not deserving of this. Though my immediate desire was to launch my pooches fecal matter at the back of the sissy's head and inveigh against his/her highfalutin tawdriness - I remained composed. However this was a sissy sighting (please look for this phrase in future posts - also send in sissy sightings of your own).

HAVE YOU LEARNED ANYTHING???

Bitter, Better, Butter, which am I?

2008-10-11T20:04:00.007+07:00

Ding dong the bitch isn't dead! This is in response to a few comments that I've received thus far and am less than compelled to respond to, however my coercive compunctive nature has made it necessary.

Some people feel that I am offensive and should find better things to do with my time. WOW! Touchy Ogres. In the history of humanity, people from one group or another have felt little to no remorse about deriding and or making public their predilections. Take for example Don Imus. This relic of the Jim Crow South has been given a microphone, million dollar salary, endorsements and his job back after making comments (what he considers jokes) about people who'd kick his ass on the street.

Hide behind free speech Imus. Hide well.

Here I am, as Freedmen, trying to reclaim power from the Oligarchs, Carpetbaggers and Scalawags - with the intention of redistributing it amongst the people, and receiving flack. SHAME on you Ogres.

If you look like a linebacker and don't have a contract, well acknowledge your extra chin. By all means you should champion your freedoms - but please don't bombard me with vituperative comments in the interim.

So to answer my own question above, am I Bitter, Better or Butter? Some of you probably wish I were butter, or at least sweet cream (wink), but I am not. Nor am I Bitter nor Better. I am only a simple man attempting to bring reality to the people.

Consider this my response to all you mugwumps who have now or in the future shall assail me. '2 tears in a bucket - mother fuck it' ,"At the end of the day, I go into my grave alone".

Fear Factor is Tiffany Pollard aka Miss New York

2008-10-11T06:09:00.024+07:00

I know some of you have seen this beast and occasionally chuckled at her gormandizing atrocities. However she is not funny, she is scary. You're probably wondering why I'm rambling about this creature feature who went from kissing the unappealing Flavor Flave and having phlegm hawked in her face to a show on VH1. The reason is I just don't like her.

1. I think she's trying to steal some fans from Wendy Williams. As we all know Wendy is the original drag impersonator.

2. Who didn't watch Barney the Dinosaur as a child. Look at how she has perverted your memories.

3. I think images like this made me scared of snatch (doesn't it look like it will rip a ding dong off?). Dads - you've probably caught your son - your big man, peeking skittishly at an image similar to below. You say to yourself ' that's my boy'. What you don't realize is that they are scared, ensorcelled, transfixed as if confronted by Freddy Krueger. Images like this made me gay.

4. We've all heard the saying, 'Every time you masturbate you kill a cat'. Well it's true. Tiffany was clearly once a Tim or is still (chick with a dick) - how else could she have managed her outfit.

You killed my brothers. BITCH!

TFS - Tacky Fag Syndrome

2008-10-10T23:18:00.009+07:00

For those of you non-gays, this is a term you probably shouldn't use. Its like white people trying to use the any variation of the abominable 'N' word.

So there's this gent who for a few months I lounged with. We did all the traditional things except the traditional things like engage in any true intimacy. I know what you straights are thinking. Two dudes so all we did was kiss, suck, fuck. EHH! Wrong. I mean seriously how the hell do you court someone for months and still have that M'erF'er act like Sister Mary Prude. Clearly the bitch is a queen suffering from TFS and feeling them self just a bit too much.

So what makes this 'Donuts at the Gym', well other than me posting it -

I have my own place, my own space and you ask me if I'm coming over to chill. We lounge on the couch, it's like 2am. I fall asleep and when I wake up your in the bedroom and left my ass on the couch. Uhhh - not cute.

I'm pretty sure I woke up with a kink in my neck. I could have taken my butt home and slept on my plush mattress and 1000 thread count sheets.

When I started writing this I thought this chile' (meaning the dude I'm talking about) is a fool. Though he clearly is suffering from TFS, I have clearly been the fool for putting up with bullshit.

Pass the Kutchie!

Wow! I don't think Dr. Phil could have done any better.

Why "Donut's at the Gym"?

2008-10-10T21:55:00.005+07:00

The title is satirical. Being a svelte man and having been relatively narrow in width all my life, I - yes pleasant me, have been the victim of biggums.

Doughy people are seemingly never shy. They make comments like 'oh my gosh, your so skinny - are you eating'. Then they get offended when I respond 'oh my gosh, your so fat - please stop hogging the oxygen'. Truly I harbor no malice towards anyone who has a less than Vogue physique; But rather than beating around the candy store, why not acknowledge the obvious.

If you have a club foot put your hand up.

If people mistake you for a life size Kirby put your hand up.

If your a goth chick, a bald headed chick or a black guy into punk rock you also fall into the category of non-traditional, albeit fun to gawk at, people whom I intend to, in a very non-politically correct way, showcase on this blog.

So for all of you who bring donuts to the gym and or engage in other asinine, witless and oxymoron behavior - I'll be watching.

Obama Time - I saw nothing wrong with the dap. All it did was allow non-blacks to question openly whether or not we have magic powers.